Spread Too Thin

Spread Too Thin

If there is one thing that I'm guilty of, it's never saying "no."

Can you stay late for work? Yes. Can you come in for a shift today? Yes. Are you available to sit for two weeks? Yes. Can you do me a favor? Yes. Can you...? Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES.

In my attempt to maximize my earnings this month, I've said, "yes" to every job offer or inquiry possible. As a result, I feel like I'm losing my mind. One would think that by now, I've learned the power of saying no. In certain circumstances, I have. However, when it comes to money, I have a hard time understanding that my body can only do so much.

This week and the next I'm working about 15 hours a day.

WHY DID I DECIDE TO DO THIS?!?!?!?!

I have no one to blame but myself which makes this all the more frustrating. I once again got ahead of myself and let the reason for why I'm living in NYC slip away. I don't have any time to practice or attend lessons/coachings. In an effort to fun my dreams, I've once again forgotten that living in New York is not about survival or just making money to make my rent. I need to work and I need to make money, but, more importantly, I need to practice.

There is a tiny window of time today in which I will try to practice. If anything, singing will calm me down. I feel so riled up and tense because most of my jobs are not the same as the career to which I aspire. I'm only thinking about my next work shift. What I NEED to think about and look forward to is my time in front of a piano, singing my heart out!

It's something I'm working on, for sure.

These thoughts came from a moment of self-reflection this morning. As soon as these thoughts emerged, I decided that instead of being conquered by these next few weeks, I'm going to hit the ground running. I will do my best to remain healthy and pace myself. The last thing I want to happen is to get sick; as if my body is confirming that I committed to too much.

Just today I received three more offers for job shifts (either babysitting or dog-sitting). I checked my calendar and after thinking hard about the opportunities, said no. It was so much harder for me to do than I thought. Why is it that, even if I'm just incapable of doing the job, I feel guilty or ashamed for saying "no?" I feel like I need to apologize or give reasons. Why do I feel this way?

Many would argue varying reasons/causes for my sense of guilt. All I know is that saying no shouldn't be a difficult thing. I make it difficult. It is time to get over this feeling and stand up for myself.

I should feel able to say yes or no and not feel vulnerable or ashamed.

This week has been incredibly challenging and I know the next week with be the same. However, I'm going to take it one step at a time. One day at a time.

I will get through this and I will have learned a powerful lesson. It's OK to say "no."

-Samantha Noonan
#EyesWideSoprano

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